catching demons

Have you ever survived 2AM alone?

That is, without a book, a movie, a clicker, a drink, a friend? Only you... and the many demons lurking within what the romantics call your heart (the scientists your id, the religious your soul)--lying in wait, biding their time until they can jump you and rip out your guts at 2AM.

I tell you it's not a job for the faint of heart. They're fierce and merciless--these fiends. And it's not like anyone is ever prepared for them, either. Oh, no. Nobody ever willfully stays up until 2AM to flip the bird at The Demons and hang them by their balls! Hah. I bet you even the tough asses--especially the tough asses--know what's good for them and they go to sleep and leave The Demons of 2AM to howl in their dreams (where these monsters are always trapped in masks and disguises so they don't terrify you as much!).

You do know these after-midnight-creatures, don't you? They're tricky, violent and brutally honest. When they're not in dream-masks, they look pretty much like your face--but with a certain twist. Look in the mirror now. Picture yourself two sizes bigger and harder--your usual expression (whatever it is) contorted into a painful/angry/terrified/eternally sad grimace. Add sharp claws, jagged teeth, wild hair (only tufts), and a huge scar running the whole length of your kisser. That's how the demons usually look like. They only differ in intent. And if that's not horrifying enough for you, open your mouth and let out a sigh… I assure you it will come out as a scream--or a wail...depending. But the ultimate hair-raiser would be in recognizing your own hapless face and voice in all those mutant doppelgangers.

What do they do? What do torturers do? They hold your head down in a bucket of water, or toast your privates with electricity, or give you a manicure with the pliers, or... hell... you've seen all the spy and Saw movies, right, so you know the drill! All these to make you confess to crimes you would never normally admit because of  stubbornness, arrogance, and good old self-preservation.

Demon twin of regrets:   You could have been more caring, more loving... admit it!

 You:      No... no... I was busy! I'm only human! What could I d-- (dunked in water and glug glug glug for 2 minutes) All right! All right! It was my fault...I'm guilty! Guilty beyond reasonable doubt! I'm a selfish, mean, shallow piece of sh*t! I confess!!!

 Demon twin of guilt:     You did That Terrible Thing not because you were wronged but because you were jealous! Envious!

 You:      No...no... it wasn't personal at all! That prick was a--(hissing electricity and the aroma of sizzling flesh and singed hair) Yeeeeeesss! Yes! I'm a resentful, begrudging, green-eyed monster! I totally confess! I am! I am!

 Demon twin of sorrows:    You did---

  You:      Yes I did! Yes I did! Take away the pliers! I will look back now...I promise... I will remember every painful thing ... no matter how shameful, how hurting... I will remember. Just please don't rearrange my toenails! 

See? If you're a wuss, you'd be a mass of quivering flesh, broken spirit and flooding tears before 2AM is over. You'll probably be sobbing your heart to sleep (if you still could) and vow to buy all the tranquilizers in the nearest drugstore the moment it opens, so that 2AM will never come to pass ever again! The worst thing that could happen is you might decide to be a boyscout and do the sheepshank on your neck--just to spite the demons.

Or, if you're made of a tougher hide, you could pound a few lines out of the personal hell you've just gone through... and maybe turn them into a song. Or a poem. Or a story. Or a diary entry. Or a wimpy blog.

And if you're lucky, your sheer stubbornness in refusing to eat dirt and cry uncle might daunt the demons so only a few might come back the next time that 2AM catches you unaware.

Or--  if you're really, really lucky, you can hold a loved one close--a baby, your daughter, the beloved--and feel secure in the faith that if you're still loving deeply and being loved in return, then you'll be all right because "love covers over a multitude of sins."

And then you can go to sleep.